One of the things that everybody seeks in life is for others to like them. There are 7 ways that the FBI behavior experts say you can do to get people to like you. Once you get people to like you, you can then build rapport with them through a few other methods. These tips can be used by salespeople, telemarketers, and many other people in hundreds of different professions. Many professions benefit from building rapport with their customers and coworkers.
Seek Someone Else’s Thoughts and Opinions without Judging Them
This is the number one strategy that you should keep in the forefront of your mind. You can use this strategy with everyone you speak to, non-judgmental validation is key to getting people to like you. Once you have received the person’s thoughts and opinions, you can then build rapport through discussing those thoughts and opinions without judging the person’s input. Non-judgmental validation does not require you to agree with the other person, you just need to understand their opinions.
Suspend Your Ego to Make People Love You
Although a majority of people are dying to tell people how wrong they are in their point of view on the world and how they are right in their own viewpoint. This is ineffective in making people like you and completely kills any ability to build rapport right away. As hard as it can be to not one-up those around you and tell them how wrong they are, just don’t do it.
The point behind ego suspension is putting your own opinions aside and avoid contradicting people. Don’t try to be clever or attempt to use reason and logic as a weapon in conversation. Ignore the urge to correct someone or be in the right all the time and instead create a reputation for being a good listener.
Become a Good Listener
While most people think that to be a good listener you aren’t allowed to speak, but this isn’t the case at all. Listening skills are one of the most vital skills you can have to make people like you. People love to be listened to, they enjoy being heard. The easiest way to become a good listener is to stop thinking about what you are going to say next and focus on what the other person is saying. You can also ask questions and show curiosity in the things that do happen to grab your attention and interest.
Listening doesn’t mean you don’t have anything to say or that you cannot speak, and it doesn’t mean that you have to stop thinking. It means that even though you have something in your mind that you want to say, but you don’t say it. You should be thinking about what you want to ask about that the other person is telling you, what more do you want to know and explore that is part of the topic the other person has chosen.
Here are 4 basics about good listening:
- Listen to what is being said, without interrupting, disagreeing, or evaluating.
- Nod your head, while making brief acknowledgment comments such as yes or “uh-huh.”
- Without becoming awkward, repeat the gist of what was just said, from the person’s frame of reference.
- Ask questions to show that you have been paying attention and that inspire the conversation to move forward.
The Best Question to Ask People
Some people are inherently boring, but there are always questions that can be asked to keep the conversation flowing. The best question that you can ask is about the challenges that the other person has faced during their lifetime. This question can be asked of anyone of any age or stature. People love to talk about their challenges, so asking someone what kind of challenges they faced throughout their workweek is a perfect question.
How to Make Strangers Feel at Ease
The first thing you should tell a stranger that will make them feel at ease is that you only have a minute to talk. This relaxes people, for example, if you sit next to someone at the bar and ask to buy them a drink, the first things that cross their minds are who are you, what do you want, and when are you leaving. The when are you leaving part is what you need to answer within the next couple of seconds. This encourages them to let their guard down. Research has been done to show that asking if it is a good time for someone, they are more likely to comply.
Building Rapport through Body Language
While you express words that are both positive and ego-free, your body language should match. If you cross your arms and take a defensive stance, the person you are speaking to will put up their guard and shut down. But if you smile, keep your chin angled downward, stand at a slight angle, keep your palms face up when speaking, and make upward gestures will show that you are open and friendly as well as sincere. These actions are both calming and comforting, and many studies have proven this is effective.
How to Deal with Someone You Don’t Trust
When you are dealing with someone that you don’t trust, you want to avoid being hostile and concentrate on being direct. You want to find out what their goals are in their interaction with you. The first step is to clarify your goals, ask what the person’s goals are and see if you can mutually reach those goals. If not, that is fine. Watch for validation and then intent. When you realize that the person is there for them and not for you, you can realize they are there to manipulate you.
All relationships should be focused on trust and if you don’t trust the person you are speaking to, then there is no chance of a relationship or ability to build rapport. When you speak with people you should be truthful and show them that you can be trusted to create the ability to make the person like you and the ability to build rapport.
It’s Your Turn!
What do you do to build rapport? Any tips or feedback you would like to share on how you build someone’s trust? Please leave your feedback in the comments section below and I look forward to reading them!
Hi Nate, I try to find something in common with clients when getting to know them. The hardest thing is to keep listening when you want to comment on something – I get too excited and chim in – Guess I have to learn to nod my more and look like that dog you show with the long ears – love that image.
Thanks for the tips Nate!
Great tips and advice for building strong , lasting relationships. We need to be more aware of what we are doing and attracting into our lives. What energy we put out is very important for good relationships.
This is great information, and I would add one thing (admitting that I’m guilty of NOT doing this)…use the person’s name. Over again. And over again. And over again, until you will remember it!
I like to ask a question that the answer helps me get to know them better and how to proceed in the conversation. In person is easier than over time on line. Good tips & ill be on the watch for FBI agents.
All great tips to be a likable person. The most important thing to remember though is to be the best version of yourself, because at the end of the day, not everyone will like you.
I like the idea of asking for other people’s thoughts and opinions. Of course then you have to followup by listening. I also like to ask questions about what the other person is interested in.. that helps build trust in your relationship.
What a wonderful post and good advice. building rapport is a critical aspect of connecting with people. Active or Emphatic listening is an important skill to have. As a psychologist much of my training was in how to listen with people and build rapport and these are skills that have helped me in all aspects of my life. This is great advice for everyone.
The point of becoming a listener is important because, it is the only way to know where you go wrong and right.
you hit the point right. thanks our blogs are succeeding because of your articles.
In this post you share best method to get people to like us and build report.It gives us a great chance.That’s very encouraging coming from you.Thank you for sharing this nice information.Keep on your work.